Boring

I feel really boring at the moment doing my healthy lifestyle thing.

Eating well and exercising is boring there are small joys but on the whole pretty boring. That's the way i am feeling at the moment. I feel alienated at work at the moment by 2 people i was friends with all because i didn't tolerate them being rude and offensive to me. So my work is pretty grey at the moment. I can do my job 70% of the time it is easy and i am capable of doing it the other 30% of the time it challenges me. I have a PA at the moment to help me with all the little things which is nice but i spend half my time explaining them but i'm not complaining it's nice to have someone to talk to.
I am as usual trying not to obsess to much over the scales as i know that it will do me no good i'm just trying to fine tune the diet and train alot.
I also need to dedicate more time to learn my pole dancing xmas routine. We will be performing it on the 13th of december which means we have 2 more classes to perfect our routine.
I am training well and will have a rest day tomorrow and go and see new moon. Yes i love it and i am tragic
Today in a food and exercise snap shot
Breakfast - 1 cup high protein muesli 1/2 cup skim milk 1/2 cup jalna fat free yoghurt
Snack - 1 green tea and 1 banana
Lunch - grilled chicken and green salad and an apple

Hmmmm snacks i guess will be a carman's fat a dredge out of the draw and dinner will be either salmon or pasta and meat balls

I am planning to go to RPM tonight.
Oh and i havent mentioned that i am trying to give up diet coke i haven't had any since sunday i have a killer head ache but feel confident that i can at least reduce my intake

Bulletproof

After being sooky and depressed for ages i feel a little bit bullet proof at the moment. I am eating well and not binging or having extras i am exercising and i am feeling more like i can do it.

Measurements

So you might notice my ticker has come down yay me i have lost 3kg in the last couple of weeks WOOT
i got my mummy to take my measurements so i can track my progress with some accuracy
Height 174cm
Weight 102kg
Chest 106.5cm
Stomach 101.5cm (i think that puts me in the danger zone)
Hip 110cm
right thigh 87cm
left thigh 84.5cm
calve 47cm
bicep 37cm
on
ok so this is my new starting point
i am using calorie king to track calories which is good for keeping me honest during the day. I am hanging tought @ the moment. Biscuits were open at 3.30itis time this arvo and i didn't have any my resolve is getting stronger i am getting better.
I smashed an awesome RPM class today great instructor full of energy and LOUD music

Waiting waiting wating

i am constantly waiting to be thin, buff and healthy. In my head it's like I'll go on this diet and exercise for this long and lose this much weight and then i will he happy. The logical part of my brain understands that this doesn't compute. I will have to watch what i eat and exercise for ever it has to become part of my lifestyle but as smart as that sounds i always go back to my thinking of lose 17kg in 17 weeks then it's done.
I think my lifestyle is pretty healthy i really just need to refine a few things. Avoid binges the main thing. I enjoy exercise and am happy to do it 4plus times a week eating has always been my Achilles heel. It always seems like hard work! Over eating and eating shit is just so easy.
I went to the Gluten free festival yesterday and while I'm not gluten free i was hoping that it would motivate me to eat and cook good foods and i think this has been achieved it's just putting it into action as reducing my access to crap.

Today's food
Breakfast
1/2 cup blueberries 1/2 cup Jalna no fat yogurt
2 slices soy linseed toast with 1/2 an avocado

Lunch
2 slices soy linseed bread with chicken breast tomato and onion
1 apple
1 Carmen's apricot round

WATER - I have drunk about 500 -600ml so far today.

I have a banana and miso planned for afternoon tea and pole dancing tonight for exercise.
Rissoles for dinner

What about me? WARNING SOOKY SOOKY WHINGEY POST

Yes i have a touch of the Shannon Noll's today(isn't it sad Shannon Noll gets all the credit for that song) I was going to look up who sings the original but i feel ugly like Shannon Noll so i think it is appropriate.
I feel like all my efforts get me no where. I put in more effort than others and dont get the results or outcomes that they get. Not just in weight loss but in life.
I know that whinging wont get me anywhere and i should be happy for others but i am struggling at the moment.
Every area of my life feels like an uphill battle at the moment. Everything is rushed and unsatisfying.
EXAMPLES
Pole dancing - Everyone in my class is better than me the grandmother in the class, the skinny girl, the annoying girl, the shy skinny teenage girl EVERYONE. I can feel my negative energy taking me over in class.
Food - I am eating 80% perfectly but i keep falling down with snacking. At work at home where ever put it in front of me and i will eat it.
Exercise - I am training well i just wish some miracle would happen and i would be faster, stronger, sexier instantly. Also i wish i could be up in the morning to train but i just hit that snooze button and suddenly i am boardering on running late for work. Not just having totally missed training. Then i am left with the mindfield of leaving work on time to get into a class/ getting a piece of equipment at the gym.
Love life and Social Life - No existant not even a flicker or glimmer of hope. Even my mum has a boyfriend 'argh'
Work - work is work same old crap it's not that bad just wish everyone did there job and others were more organised and didn't try and make me solve there problems.
Money - goes out as soon as it comes it. I wish i earned more and stopped buying crap that i dont really need.

I really feel like everything is stagnate in my life and i dont have the UMPH to change it. I know i am the only one who can change it. I just wish i had my magic back. I guess that is the hard part when you have had that awesomeness that motivates you to 'just do it' and then you lose it you know you will only be able to really achieve your goals when you have it back. and i know the only way i can get it back it behave my way to sucess. Keep going keep making tweaks to my awesomeness.

OK how depressing was that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will try and be more enthusiatic mext post

boring monday

i cant be bothered formulating any of my thoughts today and have a pile of work to do so here is the food diary
Breakfast - 1/3 cup oats, 2/3 cup of fruit salad and 1/2 cup yoghurt. And 2 pieces of sour dough toast.

Lunch - brown rice salad 1 row of seaweed rice crackers and a can of diet coke

tight arse tuesday

Morning / afternoon now!

Client meeting this morning all went well and my white shirt is still white

Breakfast - 1 slice toast with scraping a peanut butter
1/3 cup oats, 200g yoghurt and 1/2 cup of home cut/made fruit salad
1 skim cap

Lunch - left over chicken breast and salad, 1 can diet coke, 1 row seaweed rice crackers and 1 banana.

Had my snacks at lunch coz i have been flat out all morning acutally i had another skim cap at my client meeting.
Now i only have a carmens fruit and nut round to go for afternoon tea and then dinner with my sista and we are going to see WHIP IT at the movies NO POPCORN ETC

Monday

Breakfast - Oats, fruit salad and yoghurt and 1 skim cap
good news is no toast with peanut butter which i usually have

i have started on my water with a few sips feeling bored/ hungry at the moment but not doing anything about it except sipping water!

will report in l8tr!
WOOT exciting monday

argh where have i been?

I think lost is the best answer to that question. I havent been on track and havent been bothered to try and fix my behaviour. I simply have to start doing that now. I feel and am super fat my clothes are getting really tight and i dont have the finances too nor do i want to buy a bigger wardrobe ( i mean clothes that go in the wardrobe not an actual wardrobe). I am scared to get on the scales but i just have 105kg FUCKKKKKK hello wake up call.
good bye cakes, chocolate, 2nd breakfast, afternoon tea, all day grazing alcohol all of these things need to go an need to be replaced by healthy habits. I just have to start behaving my way to sucess i was shitty when i was stuck on 100 a few months ago Fuck well that is not my concern now. DJM needs to get on track.
Now that we have that revelation out there that i am super fat the thing that i have been thinking about lately is how my disappointment in myself is really delayed. I have read alot of weight loss blogs in my time and most people can eat what they shouldnt and have instant self loathing like while they are eating and straight away afterwards for me this self loathing tends to be quite delayed i can happily eat 6 cup cakes after a personal training session and smile and enjoy the like a fool enjoy them. I know its "bad" but i pay little attention to it i am happy and damn the consequences. My self loathing kicks in now when my clothes are tight, when i feel fat and like everyone is staring at me. Anywho the logical person in me knows that self loathing wont make me buff only a positive attitude, self belief and alot of hard work and committment so let me get back into that.
off to shave legs, shower and apply some fake tan need to start taking care of me and work on looking a bit hotter

monday bloody monday

Argh i have slight head ache half dehydration half mondayitis

everything sux today
feeling fatty fat fat
air con either too cold or not cold enough
work of course sux

weight sux 101 this morning but really what else to i expect with my sneaky spreads of marg and my over indulgence in afternoon tea?

Blah blah argh!!

Cake is evil

Argh so i did a good deed and brought a cake to work on monday because i had been baking all sunday. And now everyone else is following suit and bringing in cakes and snacks ARGHHHHH

it's nice that 90% of peeps at work are sweet but not nice for the dieter

i have just had cake instead of my planned mid morning oats and fruit

Food diary today
Breakfast
2 slices sour dough toast with peanut butter
1 skim coffee

Snack
Evil cake (apple and walnut)

Lunch
Rissole sandwich

Snack
Banana

Dinner TBC
prolly salmon or tacos with beans

Word out

Inspired by tiny d AGAIN

excuse the subby face i promised that i'm not 'special' this is just what happens when you get your sister to take your 'fat' photos!!!

I thought if donna can put her photos on her blog i can do the same (really hoping my blog is private right now). So as you can see i have a lot of dimply skin apart from my fat to work on.

I have spent the better part of today cooking WW and healthy stuff. I want to get back on track. i want to be carrying less weight for pole dancing so i can move better and i want to be buff.

Did RPM this morning it rocked and i burned 620 calories.

i rock

Meela's wednesday food diary

Breakfast
Tea and 2 gingernut biscuits
Its not really enough, I might get some toast


Lunch
Pasta with mushrooms + brocoli + light philadelphia cheese sauce

100KG AND FOOD DIARY

Yep it's official i am back in the triple figures!!!! :(
I am only mildly depressed about it because lets face it i haven't been controlling my eating at all and i know that there is no point feeling sorry for myself i just have to put things in place to work on losing weight and i am doing that. Last night i didn't have my usual 2 pieces of lindt chocolate and slice of date loaf for dessert with my hot choc i just had the hot choc.

Today i took my breakfast of oats, yoghurt and fruit again and had left over chicken rice a veggies for lunch and i'm drinking this water and have carrot sticks in the work fridge. I think sometimes i forget how capable i actual am. I can do this i can control what i eat and i can committ to exercise and i can resist eating after hours. CAN CAN CAN

BREAKFAST
1/2 cup oats, 1 orange, 1 apple 3 tablespoons yoghurt
skim coffee
SNACK
1 row you'll love coles sea weed sakatas
LUNCH
left over chicken breast, brown rice and veggies
1 diet coke
1 slice home made date loaf
a couple of carrot sticks

am planning to RPM tonight

Meela's Tuesday food diary

Breakfast
Coffee + museli and milk

Lunch
Packet pasta, red flavour. MUST cut down on the wheat.

Snack
1 goulburn valley fruit cup
1 museli bar

Dinner
Pasta with mushrooms + brocoli + light philadelphia cheese sauce

Dessert
Some ice cream

Meela's Monday Food Diary

I was BAD

Breakfast:
coffee + muffin

Lunch:
Continental packet pasta, red flavour

Snack:
Twisties (at least I am telling you about them)
Another coffee

Dinner:
mountain corn bread with small amount of cheese and tomato + rice and cashew nuts

After dinner:
Coles diet hot chocolate

Exercise: Pole class. Getting better at my climbs.

Monday new food diary

Ok so after reading the time magazine article http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1914857,00.html
It has reminding me of what i already knew that nutrition is 90% the key to success in weight loss.
I still love exercise and will still be doing pole, PT and my own work outs. What i need to remember is that i can't do a 1 hour work out and then go home and reward myself for my efforts with 2 -3 times the calories i would have burned.

So in an effort to behave my way to success i am posting my food diary here and so will my sister who also wants to lose the paunch!!!!

I am going to do it honestly so there could be some terrifying moments!!!

So far a good start i ate oats for bfast rather than my usual cafe toast (i am also hoping to save a few $$$$ too)

BREAKFAST
1 cup oats
4 tablespoons flavoured gippsland yoghurt ( i am done with diet yoghurt would rather have the real thing)
1 apple
1 large strawberry (hey i said i was on a budget!!!!)
1 large skim flat white

LUNCH (that's right worked through morning tea)
2 slices of you'll love coles multi grain bread
3 slices don lunch ham
1 slice Bega fat free plastic cheese
and a smear of mustard pickles

and 1 row of sakatas
and 1 orange (note to self they are too juicey to eat at desk)
1 can diet coke

SNACK
carrot sticks and 1 slice plastic cheese

DINNER
chicken breast, veggies and brown rice

DESSERT
You'll love coles hot chocolate



Also i am drinking my way through a 1.5r lt of water today (have to keep peeing :( )

OK tonight is pole dancing will report in later with rest of days food

urrgh the harsh realities of resuming project weight loss

you have to face the scales
this morning i was 97.5kg
:(

oh well onwards and downwards

Shazzam!

Hello, I am your friendly guest blogger-sister.

I just want to say SHAZZAM to our sister training, which ROCKS. I am gonna smash you!! (in a nice way).

mental

So i am getting back on track
this week i did 4 exercise sessions
monday pole dancing
tuesday RPM
thursday personal training
sunday RPM
but i couldn't help but notice how mental i am. When i happily sloth away avoiding the gym and consuming thousands of calories i don't really notice (or care) about my body and my fat i guess i just accept it. But the moment i put a small amount of effort into exercise i become uber critical and wonder why i haven't lost weight or why my tummy looks bigger than the day before. Luckily i realise this is mental i just find it interesting the way my brain works .
Good news is i feel more committed to exercising and i am now back training with my old personal trainer Kellie and my sister (she took over my spot when i quit) on thursdays and i have pole on mondays. They are 2 dates that i have to keep because people are counting on me to turn up and i also want to do independant exercise so i am not totally unconditioned for pole and PT

test

Jeez i am bad at this

Ok so after starting my new exciting blog i went AWOL
Here is a quick summary of where i am at
weight 96.3kg
exercise about 3 times a week (great intensity but not frequently enough)
food (terrible, i'm not putting any though into anything i eat and have no control) I'm just eating whatever when ever and while it's all reasonably healthy we all know that calories creep up on you when you aren't watching portion sizes and when you aren't restriciting snacking.
The good thing is i know this and i know what i have to do to remedy it i just need TO DO IT.

Getting into the groove

I feel like i am getting really focused on the important things. Training, nutrition reading inspiring blogs and health and fitness magazines and spending less time thinking about retarded ex boyfriend, work issues and other equally unimportant stuff.

i feel like i am getting my confidence bad little by little bit by bit. I'm actually starting to think about what is in my best interests and what i can do to make myself feel better and be more awesomer.

A good weigh in result

I weighed in this morning at 92.3kg which is pretty good for me. At this point it is important to note that like everything with my health and fitness over the last couple of months me weighing myself has been sporadic and i haven't kept a log of it. I have been around the 95kg mark so i'm quite happy with the 92.3kg.

I have struggled to start using this blog because i know that i have not fully committed to my health regime yet. I am not tracking religiously and i am not monitoring my food and not making healthy choices 100% of the time.
The good news is that i am working on changing that i am slowly putting it all together and i am getting more focused on getting serious.

I'm back

Back to blogging after more than a year off. Where i managed to pretty much maintain my weight but lose all my fitness!

I'm currently aiming to do 5 fitness sessions per week and to eat well somewhere between WW and clean eating. Heading more towards clean eating but i have to start behaving my way to success.

This morning i dragged myself to the gym for a cardio session. I woke up 5 minutes too late to make it to the 6.15am pump class and thought oh well i'll have a sleep in but decided this was a cop out and will NOT lead to me achieving my goals. So i got dressed got to the gym and hit the cardio machines for 45 minutes and burnt 567 Calories which is better than nothing!

Food wise i have had bircher muesli for breakfast, have left over chicken breast and brown rice for lunch and have planned WW pizza for tea because i am going bowling tonight and wont be home till late.

Better skidadle the boss is walking around asking everyone what they are working on. I don't want to say 'oh just my blog'