Boring

I feel really boring at the moment doing my healthy lifestyle thing.

Eating well and exercising is boring there are small joys but on the whole pretty boring. That's the way i am feeling at the moment. I feel alienated at work at the moment by 2 people i was friends with all because i didn't tolerate them being rude and offensive to me. So my work is pretty grey at the moment. I can do my job 70% of the time it is easy and i am capable of doing it the other 30% of the time it challenges me. I have a PA at the moment to help me with all the little things which is nice but i spend half my time explaining them but i'm not complaining it's nice to have someone to talk to.
I am as usual trying not to obsess to much over the scales as i know that it will do me no good i'm just trying to fine tune the diet and train alot.
I also need to dedicate more time to learn my pole dancing xmas routine. We will be performing it on the 13th of december which means we have 2 more classes to perfect our routine.
I am training well and will have a rest day tomorrow and go and see new moon. Yes i love it and i am tragic
Today in a food and exercise snap shot
Breakfast - 1 cup high protein muesli 1/2 cup skim milk 1/2 cup jalna fat free yoghurt
Snack - 1 green tea and 1 banana
Lunch - grilled chicken and green salad and an apple

Hmmmm snacks i guess will be a carman's fat a dredge out of the draw and dinner will be either salmon or pasta and meat balls

I am planning to go to RPM tonight.
Oh and i havent mentioned that i am trying to give up diet coke i haven't had any since sunday i have a killer head ache but feel confident that i can at least reduce my intake

Bulletproof

After being sooky and depressed for ages i feel a little bit bullet proof at the moment. I am eating well and not binging or having extras i am exercising and i am feeling more like i can do it.

Measurements

So you might notice my ticker has come down yay me i have lost 3kg in the last couple of weeks WOOT
i got my mummy to take my measurements so i can track my progress with some accuracy
Height 174cm
Weight 102kg
Chest 106.5cm
Stomach 101.5cm (i think that puts me in the danger zone)
Hip 110cm
right thigh 87cm
left thigh 84.5cm
calve 47cm
bicep 37cm
on
ok so this is my new starting point
i am using calorie king to track calories which is good for keeping me honest during the day. I am hanging tought @ the moment. Biscuits were open at 3.30itis time this arvo and i didn't have any my resolve is getting stronger i am getting better.
I smashed an awesome RPM class today great instructor full of energy and LOUD music

Waiting waiting wating

i am constantly waiting to be thin, buff and healthy. In my head it's like I'll go on this diet and exercise for this long and lose this much weight and then i will he happy. The logical part of my brain understands that this doesn't compute. I will have to watch what i eat and exercise for ever it has to become part of my lifestyle but as smart as that sounds i always go back to my thinking of lose 17kg in 17 weeks then it's done.
I think my lifestyle is pretty healthy i really just need to refine a few things. Avoid binges the main thing. I enjoy exercise and am happy to do it 4plus times a week eating has always been my Achilles heel. It always seems like hard work! Over eating and eating shit is just so easy.
I went to the Gluten free festival yesterday and while I'm not gluten free i was hoping that it would motivate me to eat and cook good foods and i think this has been achieved it's just putting it into action as reducing my access to crap.

Today's food
Breakfast
1/2 cup blueberries 1/2 cup Jalna no fat yogurt
2 slices soy linseed toast with 1/2 an avocado

Lunch
2 slices soy linseed bread with chicken breast tomato and onion
1 apple
1 Carmen's apricot round

WATER - I have drunk about 500 -600ml so far today.

I have a banana and miso planned for afternoon tea and pole dancing tonight for exercise.
Rissoles for dinner

What about me? WARNING SOOKY SOOKY WHINGEY POST

Yes i have a touch of the Shannon Noll's today(isn't it sad Shannon Noll gets all the credit for that song) I was going to look up who sings the original but i feel ugly like Shannon Noll so i think it is appropriate.
I feel like all my efforts get me no where. I put in more effort than others and dont get the results or outcomes that they get. Not just in weight loss but in life.
I know that whinging wont get me anywhere and i should be happy for others but i am struggling at the moment.
Every area of my life feels like an uphill battle at the moment. Everything is rushed and unsatisfying.
EXAMPLES
Pole dancing - Everyone in my class is better than me the grandmother in the class, the skinny girl, the annoying girl, the shy skinny teenage girl EVERYONE. I can feel my negative energy taking me over in class.
Food - I am eating 80% perfectly but i keep falling down with snacking. At work at home where ever put it in front of me and i will eat it.
Exercise - I am training well i just wish some miracle would happen and i would be faster, stronger, sexier instantly. Also i wish i could be up in the morning to train but i just hit that snooze button and suddenly i am boardering on running late for work. Not just having totally missed training. Then i am left with the mindfield of leaving work on time to get into a class/ getting a piece of equipment at the gym.
Love life and Social Life - No existant not even a flicker or glimmer of hope. Even my mum has a boyfriend 'argh'
Work - work is work same old crap it's not that bad just wish everyone did there job and others were more organised and didn't try and make me solve there problems.
Money - goes out as soon as it comes it. I wish i earned more and stopped buying crap that i dont really need.

I really feel like everything is stagnate in my life and i dont have the UMPH to change it. I know i am the only one who can change it. I just wish i had my magic back. I guess that is the hard part when you have had that awesomeness that motivates you to 'just do it' and then you lose it you know you will only be able to really achieve your goals when you have it back. and i know the only way i can get it back it behave my way to sucess. Keep going keep making tweaks to my awesomeness.

OK how depressing was that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will try and be more enthusiatic mext post