Measurements

So you might notice my ticker has come down yay me i have lost 3kg in the last couple of weeks WOOT
i got my mummy to take my measurements so i can track my progress with some accuracy
Height 174cm
Weight 102kg
Chest 106.5cm
Stomach 101.5cm (i think that puts me in the danger zone)
Hip 110cm
right thigh 87cm
left thigh 84.5cm
calve 47cm
bicep 37cm
on
ok so this is my new starting point
i am using calorie king to track calories which is good for keeping me honest during the day. I am hanging tought @ the moment. Biscuits were open at 3.30itis time this arvo and i didn't have any my resolve is getting stronger i am getting better.
I smashed an awesome RPM class today great instructor full of energy and LOUD music

Waiting waiting wating

i am constantly waiting to be thin, buff and healthy. In my head it's like I'll go on this diet and exercise for this long and lose this much weight and then i will he happy. The logical part of my brain understands that this doesn't compute. I will have to watch what i eat and exercise for ever it has to become part of my lifestyle but as smart as that sounds i always go back to my thinking of lose 17kg in 17 weeks then it's done.
I think my lifestyle is pretty healthy i really just need to refine a few things. Avoid binges the main thing. I enjoy exercise and am happy to do it 4plus times a week eating has always been my Achilles heel. It always seems like hard work! Over eating and eating shit is just so easy.
I went to the Gluten free festival yesterday and while I'm not gluten free i was hoping that it would motivate me to eat and cook good foods and i think this has been achieved it's just putting it into action as reducing my access to crap.

Today's food
Breakfast
1/2 cup blueberries 1/2 cup Jalna no fat yogurt
2 slices soy linseed toast with 1/2 an avocado

Lunch
2 slices soy linseed bread with chicken breast tomato and onion
1 apple
1 Carmen's apricot round

WATER - I have drunk about 500 -600ml so far today.

I have a banana and miso planned for afternoon tea and pole dancing tonight for exercise.
Rissoles for dinner

What about me? WARNING SOOKY SOOKY WHINGEY POST

Yes i have a touch of the Shannon Noll's today(isn't it sad Shannon Noll gets all the credit for that song) I was going to look up who sings the original but i feel ugly like Shannon Noll so i think it is appropriate.
I feel like all my efforts get me no where. I put in more effort than others and dont get the results or outcomes that they get. Not just in weight loss but in life.
I know that whinging wont get me anywhere and i should be happy for others but i am struggling at the moment.
Every area of my life feels like an uphill battle at the moment. Everything is rushed and unsatisfying.
EXAMPLES
Pole dancing - Everyone in my class is better than me the grandmother in the class, the skinny girl, the annoying girl, the shy skinny teenage girl EVERYONE. I can feel my negative energy taking me over in class.
Food - I am eating 80% perfectly but i keep falling down with snacking. At work at home where ever put it in front of me and i will eat it.
Exercise - I am training well i just wish some miracle would happen and i would be faster, stronger, sexier instantly. Also i wish i could be up in the morning to train but i just hit that snooze button and suddenly i am boardering on running late for work. Not just having totally missed training. Then i am left with the mindfield of leaving work on time to get into a class/ getting a piece of equipment at the gym.
Love life and Social Life - No existant not even a flicker or glimmer of hope. Even my mum has a boyfriend 'argh'
Work - work is work same old crap it's not that bad just wish everyone did there job and others were more organised and didn't try and make me solve there problems.
Money - goes out as soon as it comes it. I wish i earned more and stopped buying crap that i dont really need.

I really feel like everything is stagnate in my life and i dont have the UMPH to change it. I know i am the only one who can change it. I just wish i had my magic back. I guess that is the hard part when you have had that awesomeness that motivates you to 'just do it' and then you lose it you know you will only be able to really achieve your goals when you have it back. and i know the only way i can get it back it behave my way to sucess. Keep going keep making tweaks to my awesomeness.

OK how depressing was that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will try and be more enthusiatic mext post

boring monday

i cant be bothered formulating any of my thoughts today and have a pile of work to do so here is the food diary
Breakfast - 1/3 cup oats, 2/3 cup of fruit salad and 1/2 cup yoghurt. And 2 pieces of sour dough toast.

Lunch - brown rice salad 1 row of seaweed rice crackers and a can of diet coke

tight arse tuesday

Morning / afternoon now!

Client meeting this morning all went well and my white shirt is still white

Breakfast - 1 slice toast with scraping a peanut butter
1/3 cup oats, 200g yoghurt and 1/2 cup of home cut/made fruit salad
1 skim cap

Lunch - left over chicken breast and salad, 1 can diet coke, 1 row seaweed rice crackers and 1 banana.

Had my snacks at lunch coz i have been flat out all morning acutally i had another skim cap at my client meeting.
Now i only have a carmens fruit and nut round to go for afternoon tea and then dinner with my sista and we are going to see WHIP IT at the movies NO POPCORN ETC

Monday

Breakfast - Oats, fruit salad and yoghurt and 1 skim cap
good news is no toast with peanut butter which i usually have

i have started on my water with a few sips feeling bored/ hungry at the moment but not doing anything about it except sipping water!

will report in l8tr!
WOOT exciting monday

argh where have i been?

I think lost is the best answer to that question. I havent been on track and havent been bothered to try and fix my behaviour. I simply have to start doing that now. I feel and am super fat my clothes are getting really tight and i dont have the finances too nor do i want to buy a bigger wardrobe ( i mean clothes that go in the wardrobe not an actual wardrobe). I am scared to get on the scales but i just have 105kg FUCKKKKKK hello wake up call.
good bye cakes, chocolate, 2nd breakfast, afternoon tea, all day grazing alcohol all of these things need to go an need to be replaced by healthy habits. I just have to start behaving my way to sucess i was shitty when i was stuck on 100 a few months ago Fuck well that is not my concern now. DJM needs to get on track.
Now that we have that revelation out there that i am super fat the thing that i have been thinking about lately is how my disappointment in myself is really delayed. I have read alot of weight loss blogs in my time and most people can eat what they shouldnt and have instant self loathing like while they are eating and straight away afterwards for me this self loathing tends to be quite delayed i can happily eat 6 cup cakes after a personal training session and smile and enjoy the like a fool enjoy them. I know its "bad" but i pay little attention to it i am happy and damn the consequences. My self loathing kicks in now when my clothes are tight, when i feel fat and like everyone is staring at me. Anywho the logical person in me knows that self loathing wont make me buff only a positive attitude, self belief and alot of hard work and committment so let me get back into that.
off to shave legs, shower and apply some fake tan need to start taking care of me and work on looking a bit hotter