boring monday

i cant be bothered formulating any of my thoughts today and have a pile of work to do so here is the food diary
Breakfast - 1/3 cup oats, 2/3 cup of fruit salad and 1/2 cup yoghurt. And 2 pieces of sour dough toast.

Lunch - brown rice salad 1 row of seaweed rice crackers and a can of diet coke

tight arse tuesday

Morning / afternoon now!

Client meeting this morning all went well and my white shirt is still white

Breakfast - 1 slice toast with scraping a peanut butter
1/3 cup oats, 200g yoghurt and 1/2 cup of home cut/made fruit salad
1 skim cap

Lunch - left over chicken breast and salad, 1 can diet coke, 1 row seaweed rice crackers and 1 banana.

Had my snacks at lunch coz i have been flat out all morning acutally i had another skim cap at my client meeting.
Now i only have a carmens fruit and nut round to go for afternoon tea and then dinner with my sista and we are going to see WHIP IT at the movies NO POPCORN ETC

Monday

Breakfast - Oats, fruit salad and yoghurt and 1 skim cap
good news is no toast with peanut butter which i usually have

i have started on my water with a few sips feeling bored/ hungry at the moment but not doing anything about it except sipping water!

will report in l8tr!
WOOT exciting monday

argh where have i been?

I think lost is the best answer to that question. I havent been on track and havent been bothered to try and fix my behaviour. I simply have to start doing that now. I feel and am super fat my clothes are getting really tight and i dont have the finances too nor do i want to buy a bigger wardrobe ( i mean clothes that go in the wardrobe not an actual wardrobe). I am scared to get on the scales but i just have 105kg FUCKKKKKK hello wake up call.
good bye cakes, chocolate, 2nd breakfast, afternoon tea, all day grazing alcohol all of these things need to go an need to be replaced by healthy habits. I just have to start behaving my way to sucess i was shitty when i was stuck on 100 a few months ago Fuck well that is not my concern now. DJM needs to get on track.
Now that we have that revelation out there that i am super fat the thing that i have been thinking about lately is how my disappointment in myself is really delayed. I have read alot of weight loss blogs in my time and most people can eat what they shouldnt and have instant self loathing like while they are eating and straight away afterwards for me this self loathing tends to be quite delayed i can happily eat 6 cup cakes after a personal training session and smile and enjoy the like a fool enjoy them. I know its "bad" but i pay little attention to it i am happy and damn the consequences. My self loathing kicks in now when my clothes are tight, when i feel fat and like everyone is staring at me. Anywho the logical person in me knows that self loathing wont make me buff only a positive attitude, self belief and alot of hard work and committment so let me get back into that.
off to shave legs, shower and apply some fake tan need to start taking care of me and work on looking a bit hotter